Heraclitus said, “Change is the only constant in life.” So, if this is true......if change is the only constant in life, then why am I always surprised and well, challenged....when things change? Some might argue that death is an end. Once dead, always dead. THE END! No more change here. However, you know, some people claim to have come back from the dead (or from near death experiences) and others will argue that we get reincarnated to other lifetimes. So, maybe we need to agree to disagree about this. Personally, I’m not sure what my beliefs are in this regard. Since nature recycles itself all the time and we are part of that cycle, I do suppose we, of the animal kingdom, could also be recycled into different bodies....makes sense to me. And yet, I personally have not had a past life experience nor has anyone REALLY come back to visit me after they died - not even my mother, whom I thought would have a few more things to say to me.......
But back to change.......in our present lifetime. Everything changes - the seasons, the weather, day and night, cycles of the moon. This is normal. We expect it and sometimes really look forward to what it brings.......snow trips to the mountains, the trees changing colors in the fall, summer vacation from school, solstice rituals.........YAY!!!!!
I love changes in the natural order of things. I love the change of seasons, seeing the first buds in the spring and the falling leaves of autumn. I adore a full moon and love the dark nights of the new moon because I can vividly see the stars and the constellations in the night sky.
Then there are the changes that are becoming the norm, but are not anything to celebrate like the increasing pollution of our planet causing climate change, the extinction of species, and all kinds of diseases, to name only a few. These changes scare and infuriate me. Oftentimes I feel powerless; other times I am driven to action. It pains me to see changes brought on by corporate greed where the dollar is the reward and the planet and her inhabitants the losers.
Cities get gentrified; others go to decay. Restaurants come and go. Mom and Pop businesses disappear as the big box stores run them out of town. We go to elementary, middle, high school, maybe college. We grow up. We get jobs, get married, get divorced, marry our domestic when we’re allowed to, move several times, change jobs, gain weight, lose weight. Friends come and go - move away. Disagreements end friendships. Folks reconnect on social media after years of separation. People die.
Our moods can shift throughout the day and our attitudes and beliefs (hopefully) grow and change as we grow and change. Even most of the cells in our bodies replace themselves approximately every 7 years.
Politicians come and go ( I wish some would go sooner than later). And look at technology. I remember when I had to be home to get a phone call. Now I can call, text, e-mail, find out just about anything I want to know in a couple of minutes from the (dis)comfort of my car or almost anywhere.
The truth is change is often challenging for me, although some I work towards, others I hope for and some I just don’t understand. Barack Obama’s presidential wins thrilled me. The change in our local 2012 City Council members was, to me a win for our community. While Prop 37 (Label genetically modified foods), here in CA did not win; I hope to see that overturned in the near future. And, how the corporate world can continue to bribe, manipulate and control our public officials frightens the hell out of me.....and is a change and pattern I want to end.
One thing that I’m beginning to understand is that I do not like sudden, unexpected change that is completely out of my control. BOOM! Here today - sometimes for years-and then sometimes without warning or a chance to say good-bye - gone tomorrow.......On an every day, “live your life” level, the closing of some of my favorite places and hangouts has upset me. The loss of the iconic Cody’s Bookstore was a blow to me and the Berkeley community, as was the demise of the art deco Oaks Theatre that has now sat empty for years on Solano Avenue - a sad reminder of what was. It’s really painful to me to see small businesses disappear, often run out by the competition of the bigger box stores or exorbitant and unaffordable rent hikes, only to see the store fronts sit there empty for years sometimes. Is it really more advantageous (as a former city council member told me) for landlords to maintain an empty store front than an occupied one?
Of course, then are are the life changing events. The death of a loved one, a sudden illness, an accident, the loss of a job.....And, amidst the upheaval of the event, having to make crucial decisions and choices under the most dire of circumstances.
Then there are the the more insidious changes that creep ever so silently into our lives we hardly notice or pay attention until, well, what wasn’t before, is now the norm. Look at what has happened since the attack on the World Trade Center which we must admit, changed us forever....... travel is way more of a hassle than ever before. Hundreds and thousands have been maimed and killed in senseless wars. Our privacy has been invaded and we are being watched wherever we go and whatever we do. Do you know who is reading your e-mails or checking your correspondences and phone calls? I really don’t like these changes either.
I was a latchkey kid. Around 6th grade I would go home to an empty apartment after school. Do you know what I worried about? My fear was there would be some space aliens waiting for me! That’s is what I imagined. It wasn’t based on anything except my creative mind conjuring up scary stories. And today?????? Kids worry that they can make it home without being bullied, abducted or shot along the way. That’s reality not some made up story from some creative mind. What kind of change is this?
It seems that I’m not the only one who doesn’t seem to like sudden change not in our control. I’ve talked to several friends recently who feel the same way I do. What is it that makes us uncomfortable? Is it that it discombobulates us in a certain way? Is it that somehow, even if it’s a little thing, it kinda rocks our “life” boat a bit.....makes us do things a bit differently or maybe take a new look at our lives. Are we so inflexible or stuck in our ways and is that why we don’t like it? Is it a sense of powerlessness?
And then there’s the things that as a 66 year old woman I know, or should know or expect or should expect that well, when they happen, once again, surprise and challenge me.....like having less energy or my arthritis getting worse or my skin getting more wrinkled or my neck..........
Then there’s the change that I consciously choose- like buying a beautiful home in the country and that is surprisingly challenging and hard. I realize now that it takes a lot of courage to make conscious decisions to change your life - even when it is something that is really important and you want it very badly. So whether you are buying your dream home, moving to a new town or moving in with your lover, you are taking a risk, shaking things up and moving out of the familiar and known. I see it as an act of courage and bravery, especially because pushes us out of our comfort zone and that isn’t easy.
Today I had an “Aha” moment. I had decided several weeks ago that as part of my recovery from hip replacement surgery, I would take some water exercise classes. Honestly, working out in the water is way down on my list of how I want to build up cardio and physical strength. I do not like to swim because I really dislike putting my face in the water. I also, tend to be cold and usually pools are cold and chlorinated. So today, as I was walking to my car at 10:30 the morning for my first ever water aerobics class I found myself thinking, “Well, I’m not going to do this if it’s a cloudy day.” “I hope I don’t freeze my ass of in that cold water.......and I hope I don’t break out from a rash from all that damn chlorine.” When I got into the car, it hit me, really hard.....For the past 4 days now I have been absorbed in this blog post......this has been taking way more time and provoked a lot more thought, introspection and conversation than anything else I’ve written so far. AND IT HIT ME.....that AHA moment. Here I am writing about change and I really needed to change my negative attitude about the water aerobics. Here I was going into this new experience loaded with negativity and preconceived notions.....And I did. I did an attitude adjustment right there on Bloomfield Road and you know what? I loved the class. The pool is salt water, not chlorinated and heated to over 80 degrees. And you stay upright the whole time never having to put your head near the water......And so I learned that when I’m looking at change, maybe it’s a good idea to consider what attitudes I am working under and consider if they are best serving me.
Maybe on a very deep level I know that nothing is forever and in actuality I know that everything that is known, familiar, loved, tolerated and even disliked will eventually pass away, shift and change. And just maybe, my (unconscious) resistance to this requires me to hold tight to these beliefs, ideas, things, people, relationships and attitudes so that even when they do end, I’m so holding on to the “what was” and I’m unable to move into the “what is”
And I think there’s another piece to this puzzle. I’m beginning to realize that for me, some change ( not the big ones like death and illness) seems to be more about the loss rather than the “what is now. “ And perhaps, what I need to do before I can effectively let go, is to mourn, and grieve the “what was.” To acknowledge the sadness, make room for a period of transition and discomfort, hug “what was” say good-bye and send it off. Maybe then I can more easily embrace the present.
And about those life changing losses, like everything else, they’re gonna happen. Maybe the best thing we can do is to make sure that we live our lives fully and stay connected to ourselves and our loved ones. After all, I know now, one way or another, whether we like it or not, eventually, EVERYTHING CHANGES!
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